The LAST STRAW!!! err FEATHER!

So this has been building since last week.  My DH had his heavy work week and his days off weren't really days off.  So it has felt like I never see him and I'm always alone with the children.  I know that previous sentence is false.  I see him a whole lot more living in the same country and all.  However, church on Sunday was hard, all three boys by myself.  Asher wouldn't stop crawling under and over and around the chairs, Sam kept whining loudly about being starving (he'd eaten a good breakfast and only had to wait until after the Sacrament was served for snacks) Benjamin colored a picture on the floor while trying to walk up the wall.  Benjamin started crying, loudly when I had the audacity to tell him he had to sit up because walking up the wall isn't appropriate behavior.  By the time we got home I was frazzled and I still had the rest of the day alone with those boys.

My DH got home we fed the children and put them to bed.  Then we started watching a movie, a little alone time, a little honey snuggle time.  The DH got up because he heard a noise.  The noise was Asher, leaving our bathroom, after he had painted his toes and fingers.  Literally he painted his toes and fingers, some of the nail polish made it where it should go, on the nails.  The Didgerydoo Your Nails OPI bright Barbie pink nail polish was all over the floor, on the counters, my door, my sheets, Asher's sheets, Asher's clothes, his chin, elbow, feet top and bottom, and hands.  I had to use a whole bottle of nail polish remover to clean up the mess.  I needed more remover, but the BX is currently sold out until June.

He got the polish on the jammies too.

painted toes...

This is what an entire bottle of nail polish looks like.

little nail polish finger prints

yep, little feet prints.

some how he got the polish on his chin and neck too

Monday was supposed to start DH's light work week, but our van arrived YAY! and he was gone all day taking care of van things.  That day I felt a flip switch and I felt like a much crankier version of me had taken over my body.  I told DH this, but he didn't seem very concerned.

On Tuesday he was gone all day taking care of van things.  Asher threw up all over my friend's van.  He also threw major temper tantrums.  The trip to DongDeMoon market was not successful.  I was overwhelmed by the vastness of it and dealing with a sick baby alone. As soon as we got there all the other ladies split in different directions.  The market is really cool, but the trip didn't help with my need to recharge the old batteries.  When I got home from Seoul I got Benjamin from school.  While I was talking to him about his day I heard some banging.  I sounded like plastic on the ground so I wasn't worried.  WRONG!  It was plastic on the toilet seat lid and the plastic was a brand new bottle of shampoo, opened, turned upside-down.  Asher made a spectacular mess in the bathroom I had just cleaned earlier.  Why did I have to clean the bathroom earlier?? Well Asher had crawled out of the bath tub and peed all over the floor, and his shoes.  So he made another mess in the bathroom.

After that fiasco I tried to get him to nap, it'd been a long day he was really cranky.  He wouldn't give it up.  So Benjamin played with him, and Asher cried over every little thing.  Benjamin was being good, sharing, playing softly, but Asher was over tired.  I finally got him to sleep and enjoyed some quiet time. When he woke up he woke up screaming and proceeded to scream for the next hour and a half.  He screamed until DH got home.  DH didn't get home until 7:30.  When DH walked in the door Asher stopped screaming, smiled and acted like he hadn't been screaming for the last 1.5 hours.

That night Asher had a bloody nose, poor guy, he managed to get blood on me, the carpet and my favorite pillow.  Another mess to clean and I wasn't really feeling it, I'd been up at 4:15 the previous day cleaning and running.  I'd gotten the house really clean before I went up to Seoul.  And by Tuesday night it looked like I hadn't done a thing.  So Wednesday midmorning I buckled down and got to work cleaning the messes I had been avoiding, the bathroom and the bloody mess.  Oxyclean works wonders and I got the stain out of the carpet.  I also washed my clothes, pillow and Asher's clothes in Oxyclean.  During this time Asher got into our games and dumped out the Scrabble and Kerplonk games.  I was actually glad for this mess because it just required picking things up, not scrubbing or soaking or any kind of stain removal.

When I went to switch to laundry over my washing machine looked like a chicken war zone.  I just shut the lid and walked away.  I went to my computer and played games avoiding the new mess.  I had done a blog post so I bummed around checking out my page views and stats.  I looked at my feeder sources and saw a web page I hadn't seen before, so I clicked on the link to see who was referring my blog.  Poor choice on my part.  There are some things that you just cannot un-see.  So I tried to find where they were referring my page along and couldn't so I got out of there.  I wanted to call DH, but children making a mess, a feather pillow being eaten in the washing machine, and stumbling upon porn, while stressful and taxing do not an emergency make.  His job is such that I really shouldn't call him unless the house is burning down or we're going to the ER.

The Lord must have heard my desperation because my husband called me.  I started to cry, just a little bit.  DH gave me some encouraging words and told me to just get the bathroom and washing machine taken care of.  So I mustered my reserves and got to work.  I tried to de-feather the clothes in the house but that would have made a big mess.  So I went to our porch and started shaking.  DH got home and I was still out on our porch shaking the feather infested clothes, and he says "Honey do you think that's the best way to take care of this?" I threw the clothing down and told him "FINE YOU DO IT!!" and stormed off to my room and threw myself down on our bed.  DH came in and told me that I was throwing a fit and I couldn't do that.  He tried to hug me and I tried to start a fight with him.  Then with insight husband's sometimes have he stopped looked at me and asked "What is really going on with you?"

Then I started crying in earnest.  Everything I do gets undone so quickly.  I feel like, what's the point??  I  feel worthless doing this job.  The boys just make messes, I have to yell all the time.  I don't like myself when I yell.  I don't like not getting things done, but I feel like I'm drowning.   DH just held me and I cried and cried.  I don't know how other moms hold it together because when I think I'm doing well, keeping up with the house, reading my scriptures, taking time for myself, and enjoying the kids it all seems to come crashing down.  That pillow was my favorite pillow, I've had it since I was 14 and seeing it destroyed tipped me over.   It may be stupid to have a break down over your pillow disintegrating in the wash, but with everything else that's happened I just couldn't handle one more thing.  

DH said a prayer with me and asked for the Lord to help us as parents and me as a wife and mother to realize how important my work really is.  He told me this morning before he left for work that "what you do is important to our family, remember that today"  He's a gem.

So thanks for reading, my life is actually really good, now that I'm a few days removed from it all.  My husband is the very best fit for me.  Asher is a darling, little terror.  Sam is my little helper and snuggler.  Benjamin brings peace.

Korean Cooking Class

So this post is over a week old.  I'm trying to stay on top of my Blog, but somedays it's hard.  Last Tuesday I went to Korean cooking class.  Our teacher Jiyhun Songsimnim (Jiyhun is her name Songsimnim is Korean for teacher) told us about her mom, she died about a year ago and taught her the recipe for Spicey Cabbage.  Her mother never measured anything so, Jiyhun didn't either.  I cook like that so watching her pour in ingredients I translated for the other ladies, "she just pouring in 3/4 C of red peppers, that was about 2 TB of salt" etc.  I learned that the difference between spicy cabbage and kimchi is fermenting time.  Spicy cabbage is soaked in a salty solution for 2-5 hours and then prepared, kimchi is fermented for a month or longer.  We also made Bulgogi, which is Korean BBQ.  If you ever come to Korea and aren't sure about the food Bulgogi is going to be your safest bet.  We also made a soup, called janchi gooksoo, which translates into something like party of noodles.  It's a popular wedding dish, the noodles were served with broth and then it was topped with shredded carrots, zucchini, bean sprouts, egg, seaweed, and slivers of meat.  It's popular at weddings because you can top it with whatever you want.

Jiyhun wouldn't let us cook, but she talked to us the whole time about what she was doing.  She also talked about some Korea eating traditions, such as when someone comes to visit you should always offer food, and we shouldn't refuse an older Korean woman who tries to feed us.  It was a fun class

I was wrong, Jihyun let these 2 stir.

This is me pretending to cook

It tasted pretty good but not THAT good.

The next day on Wednesday I went to a Survival Korean course.  My brain still hurts from that class.  But I did learn how the Korean alphabet works, and some good phrases, like 'where's the bathroom' 'how much is it' 'will you lower the price'  It was a good class and the Korean language doesn't seem so scary anymore.  By no means am I anywhere close to speaking Korean, but I'm not as scared of it.

Because mommy is soooooo pretty!

Um, I'm not sure why you're upset, but I'm smiling, shouldn't you??

Life's been busy around here, so busy I haven't taken the time to update like I should.  So here's what's been happening for me.  I have re-learned the lesson, if-they-are-quiet-it-isn't-good.  As shown by the pictures Asher wants to be pretty like mommy.  Yes those are pictures from 2 different days and yes he did ruin 2 tubes of mascara in less than a week.

CHEESE! I'm so pretty!

And the legs need to be pretty as well.

So, if he's quiet I had better make sure that my makeup is put away very high and maybe in a locked box, because this kid is climbing now.

The reason Asher is delighting in my makeup is because I'm using my make up.  For the past two weeks and starting on my third week I have worked out Monday through Friday, come home, showered, shaved (those of you who know me know that shaving is a big deal!) styled my hair, applied makeup and dressed in something other than jeans and a t-shirt.  I'm making positive changes in my life.  I've also been keeping (mostly) up on the laundry and kitchen.  I've heard that if you do something and keep it up for three weeks it becomes a habit.  So here's to the new habits almost formed YAY!

Our household goods have not arrived so I've had to get creative with my cooking.  My friend Leanna came over to help me make cookies.

 

We didn't have measuring spoons, but I did have a medicine dropper, so after looking up the exchange between tablespoons and mL we were able to measure out the milk.  And forks make the best pastry blenders in a pinch.  The cookies turned out pretty good.  But I am very excited to get my household goods, at least my kitchen things.

Putting My Kitchen to Bed

Yesterday was a pretty big day.  I got the kids out of the house.  We went to the Library, I think I just saved my husband hundreds of dollars by finding and using the base library.

Then to the BX to get Easter presents, I got Legos for Benjamin, Star Wars coloring book for Sam, Tonka Cars for Asher and...shhh it's a secret...an iPod Nano for DH.  He never reads my blog, unless I read it to him, so I think my secret is safe for the next two days.  He already has an iPod touch but he cannot run with it so he's been asking for one and I've been telling him "NO!" but, hehe, he'll be pretty surprised when he finds his Easter basket.

After the BX we came home and I read one of my books from the library.  I finished around 5 feeling very guilty because there was tons of housework that needed to be done.  I marshaled the troops and we got to work, my goal, have the house clean before DH got home from work at 6:30.  We got to work and the boys helped pick up toys and I managed to, mop the floor, clean the living room, clean the kitchen, rotate laundry, and have dinner ready all by the time DH got home.  We had a good dinner as a family, sitting around the table, then after dinner I got up and took care of the dinner mess.  I had the boys help clear off the table and DH bring me the left overs so I could put them away.  The kitchen is so much easier to clean right away rather than waiting for the next morning.  Waking up to a clean kitchen felt so good.  Like I had a jump start of housekeeping for today.

After dinner we had FHE.  Late I know, but with DH's schedule we have to be flexible.  Our lesson was on our relationship to Heavenly Father.  Benjamin and Sam both knew that Heavenly Father is the father of our Spirits.  We also talked about talents and how we can use them to help others.  For our game we sock wrestled, DH has an unfair advantage because he's got really long legs and arms.

Yesterday was a pretty good day, I got things done, read a book, had quality time with my family and went to bed early.  I feel like I'm finding my stride here in Korea.

Trying New Things

So yesterday I hit a wall.  I couldn't handle real life anymore and I left my DH with all 3 boys and ventured out into Osan all by myself.  My mission get new shoes and try a few new things.  I wandered around the shopping district a little overwhelmed with all the choices.  The first shoes store I actually went into was very posh, but the lady inside was not impressed with my ginormous feet (I'm a size 8) and led me to the small portion of shoes available in my size.  She was kind of stand offish and I wasn't impressed with the selection in my size.  Another shoe store and the lady was talking on the phone and was put out by my asking her if a shoe i liked came in my size 8 or 250 (Korean sizing) she said no and I got out of there.  I was beginning to wonder if I was just out of luck but decided to try one more store.  This lady wasn't super helpful either, but she didn't ignore me.  And when I asked about sizes she didn't look at my feet askance.   I found a great pair of shoes that cost 28,000 Won or $28 US.  As you can see from the pictures they are girly, frilly, very spring-y, and just what a girl needs when life gets flipped all around.

After a little shoe therapy I went into a music store and got strings for my new guitar.  Yep I'm learning the guitar.  Hopefully my DH will be patient with me as I attempt to learn.

After the music store I went bought some food off a food vendor, tempura squid.  It was only ok, I think it would have been better if there was a sauce of some kind for dipping.  I wound up giving the street food to a homeless deaf man who had a sign asking for help in anyway.  I'm not sure what he thought of me for it, but he looked in the bag and took the food.

After that I went back on base spent another 1/2 hour away from the family, got some milk, and went home.  Getting out of the house and on my own did wonders to recharge my batteries.

Then today happened.  Seriously out of everything new in Korea the thing I was least worried about gave me my first honest to goodness panic attack.  Going to church and seeing all the new people just freaked me out.  DH told me that I had nothing to worry about, everyone was welcoming, but for some reason I couldn't get the thought out of my head that these women wouldn't like me.  That I would spend the next 3 years friendless and on the outside circle of things.  I cried off and on during Sacrament and I almost took a taxi home.  DH was wonderful he just held my hand told me everything would be ok and then made me go to Relief Society.  I panicked when they asked me to introduce myself, so I kept talking and talking trying to offer up something of value to these women.  And you know what? My DH was right, they are an amazing group of women who welcomed me and when I just let things be, calmed down a bit, it felt like coming home.  I still had waves of panic, but they weren't overwhelming anymore.  What I forgot was that the Lord knows and loves me.  He wouldn't leave me alone and friendless.  So everything is going to be ok, and I'll keep trying new things.  

Getting Adjusted

No my dad isn't visiting, but I would like him to.  (a little chiro humor)  So we have been in Korea for almost a week.  Most of that time I've been trying to get my days and nights straightened out.  But waking up at 3 AM ready to get to work hasn't been helpful.  The house is getting pulled together even if I have to wait until 7 before doing laundry.

I have also had to get Benjamin TB tested, thanks Papa for taking him because he freaked out about the needle and I would have too.  But we should get the results on Monday and he'll be able to start school.  We could get a waiver for the vaccines but not the TB test :S

We have also tried to restock our kitchen...Every time I think I've gotten what I need to cook for my family I realize I still need something else.  Like baking soda, or lime juice, or a measuring cup, or a colander, or a knife and a million other little things.  But slowly we are getting everything we need.

We went to the Korean market right outside of base and there are so many PURSES and SHOES my husband wont let me go by myself.  But we were also able to find a cool chess set for Grandpa M.  Benjamin got a model that he's going to build with Papa.  Sam got some splat balls that look gross but every little boy needs a toy that grosses mom out.  Also if you ever wanted to buy seaweed there are hundreds of different varieties available.

On Thursday our family went to English class.  Basically we have a short topic of discussion and then break up into small groups and Korean nationals practice having a conversation in English with us.  Their English is way better than my Korean.  Going was a really cool way of meeting people and learning more about this country where we will live for the next three years.

Friday night my hubby threw a welcome to Korea/Birthday party for me and it was great being able to see so many of our friends from Monterey.  I did head to bed at 8:30 because I'm still not all the way over jet lag, but according to my husband the party rocked on.  Which is good because I was dead to the world.

That's what's happening on my side of the world.

Order, Orders, Orders

So the long awaited orders have arrived.  Now all I have left to do is, book plane tickets, drop off my van, get TMO to come out and take care of household good, and face a 20 hr plane ride alone with 3 small boys.

I think I'm ready for the plane ride, the boys have leapsters, gameboys, new activity books, travel games, and special treats saved for just this plane ride.  I'm not too worried about Benjamin and Sam.  But if anyone has any ideas to help keep an active 21 month old calm and in his seat I'm open for suggestions.