The LAST STRAW!!! err FEATHER!

So this has been building since last week.  My DH had his heavy work week and his days off weren't really days off.  So it has felt like I never see him and I'm always alone with the children.  I know that previous sentence is false.  I see him a whole lot more living in the same country and all.  However, church on Sunday was hard, all three boys by myself.  Asher wouldn't stop crawling under and over and around the chairs, Sam kept whining loudly about being starving (he'd eaten a good breakfast and only had to wait until after the Sacrament was served for snacks) Benjamin colored a picture on the floor while trying to walk up the wall.  Benjamin started crying, loudly when I had the audacity to tell him he had to sit up because walking up the wall isn't appropriate behavior.  By the time we got home I was frazzled and I still had the rest of the day alone with those boys.

My DH got home we fed the children and put them to bed.  Then we started watching a movie, a little alone time, a little honey snuggle time.  The DH got up because he heard a noise.  The noise was Asher, leaving our bathroom, after he had painted his toes and fingers.  Literally he painted his toes and fingers, some of the nail polish made it where it should go, on the nails.  The Didgerydoo Your Nails OPI bright Barbie pink nail polish was all over the floor, on the counters, my door, my sheets, Asher's sheets, Asher's clothes, his chin, elbow, feet top and bottom, and hands.  I had to use a whole bottle of nail polish remover to clean up the mess.  I needed more remover, but the BX is currently sold out until June.

He got the polish on the jammies too.

painted toes...

This is what an entire bottle of nail polish looks like.

little nail polish finger prints

yep, little feet prints.

some how he got the polish on his chin and neck too

Monday was supposed to start DH's light work week, but our van arrived YAY! and he was gone all day taking care of van things.  That day I felt a flip switch and I felt like a much crankier version of me had taken over my body.  I told DH this, but he didn't seem very concerned.

On Tuesday he was gone all day taking care of van things.  Asher threw up all over my friend's van.  He also threw major temper tantrums.  The trip to DongDeMoon market was not successful.  I was overwhelmed by the vastness of it and dealing with a sick baby alone. As soon as we got there all the other ladies split in different directions.  The market is really cool, but the trip didn't help with my need to recharge the old batteries.  When I got home from Seoul I got Benjamin from school.  While I was talking to him about his day I heard some banging.  I sounded like plastic on the ground so I wasn't worried.  WRONG!  It was plastic on the toilet seat lid and the plastic was a brand new bottle of shampoo, opened, turned upside-down.  Asher made a spectacular mess in the bathroom I had just cleaned earlier.  Why did I have to clean the bathroom earlier?? Well Asher had crawled out of the bath tub and peed all over the floor, and his shoes.  So he made another mess in the bathroom.

After that fiasco I tried to get him to nap, it'd been a long day he was really cranky.  He wouldn't give it up.  So Benjamin played with him, and Asher cried over every little thing.  Benjamin was being good, sharing, playing softly, but Asher was over tired.  I finally got him to sleep and enjoyed some quiet time. When he woke up he woke up screaming and proceeded to scream for the next hour and a half.  He screamed until DH got home.  DH didn't get home until 7:30.  When DH walked in the door Asher stopped screaming, smiled and acted like he hadn't been screaming for the last 1.5 hours.

That night Asher had a bloody nose, poor guy, he managed to get blood on me, the carpet and my favorite pillow.  Another mess to clean and I wasn't really feeling it, I'd been up at 4:15 the previous day cleaning and running.  I'd gotten the house really clean before I went up to Seoul.  And by Tuesday night it looked like I hadn't done a thing.  So Wednesday midmorning I buckled down and got to work cleaning the messes I had been avoiding, the bathroom and the bloody mess.  Oxyclean works wonders and I got the stain out of the carpet.  I also washed my clothes, pillow and Asher's clothes in Oxyclean.  During this time Asher got into our games and dumped out the Scrabble and Kerplonk games.  I was actually glad for this mess because it just required picking things up, not scrubbing or soaking or any kind of stain removal.

When I went to switch to laundry over my washing machine looked like a chicken war zone.  I just shut the lid and walked away.  I went to my computer and played games avoiding the new mess.  I had done a blog post so I bummed around checking out my page views and stats.  I looked at my feeder sources and saw a web page I hadn't seen before, so I clicked on the link to see who was referring my blog.  Poor choice on my part.  There are some things that you just cannot un-see.  So I tried to find where they were referring my page along and couldn't so I got out of there.  I wanted to call DH, but children making a mess, a feather pillow being eaten in the washing machine, and stumbling upon porn, while stressful and taxing do not an emergency make.  His job is such that I really shouldn't call him unless the house is burning down or we're going to the ER.

The Lord must have heard my desperation because my husband called me.  I started to cry, just a little bit.  DH gave me some encouraging words and told me to just get the bathroom and washing machine taken care of.  So I mustered my reserves and got to work.  I tried to de-feather the clothes in the house but that would have made a big mess.  So I went to our porch and started shaking.  DH got home and I was still out on our porch shaking the feather infested clothes, and he says "Honey do you think that's the best way to take care of this?" I threw the clothing down and told him "FINE YOU DO IT!!" and stormed off to my room and threw myself down on our bed.  DH came in and told me that I was throwing a fit and I couldn't do that.  He tried to hug me and I tried to start a fight with him.  Then with insight husband's sometimes have he stopped looked at me and asked "What is really going on with you?"

Then I started crying in earnest.  Everything I do gets undone so quickly.  I feel like, what's the point??  I  feel worthless doing this job.  The boys just make messes, I have to yell all the time.  I don't like myself when I yell.  I don't like not getting things done, but I feel like I'm drowning.   DH just held me and I cried and cried.  I don't know how other moms hold it together because when I think I'm doing well, keeping up with the house, reading my scriptures, taking time for myself, and enjoying the kids it all seems to come crashing down.  That pillow was my favorite pillow, I've had it since I was 14 and seeing it destroyed tipped me over.   It may be stupid to have a break down over your pillow disintegrating in the wash, but with everything else that's happened I just couldn't handle one more thing.  

DH said a prayer with me and asked for the Lord to help us as parents and me as a wife and mother to realize how important my work really is.  He told me this morning before he left for work that "what you do is important to our family, remember that today"  He's a gem.

So thanks for reading, my life is actually really good, now that I'm a few days removed from it all.  My husband is the very best fit for me.  Asher is a darling, little terror.  Sam is my little helper and snuggler.  Benjamin brings peace.